In a little over a week - 2 weeks time I’m going to find out if I’m going to be studying in America next year, or if I’m going to have to eat humble pie and graduate next year (and then think about which direction my life is going to take.)
However, and this sounds silly, I’m not entirely sure I want to go. I mean, I want to go and stufy in America for the year; it’ll be an experience that could only be beaten by being in love, most probably - not that I’d ever really find out if that comparison is true, as love is something that I’m having “existential problems” with… Don’t believe in it.
“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote some total bollocks there, didn’t he?
Tangent of a phenominal nature:
I’ve just had a phone call from a friend, who was as sober as a judge (read: pissed as a fart) and it kind of threw me off my train of thought, but I’ll come back to this later…
Anyways, I think his comparison of the two states of mind forgets one fundamental thing: If one has never loved, how does one know what one is missing? I could be claimed that people who have never experience love save themselves a lot of emotional heartache, pain and suffering, though in the eyes of those who
have experienced it they are missing out on elated joy, fulfilment and a sense of, for want of a better word, ‘love’ - is it right to say that because somebody has never been in love that they can’t have any of those feelings, good or bad? I would hope not.
I could compare love to (my pseudo-view of) religion, in that it is a man-made ‘feeling’ created to give a more human spin on the more animal instincts that we still possess.
But this topic depresses me. Next! 
Right, back to my drunken friend of 20 minutes ago. A strange being whose phone calls and text messages at strange hours of the day (usually just as I’m getting to sleep) never cease to bring endless enjoyment to my life - especially when she is drunk. No end to the amount of pleasure I get from receiving those calls… (There is actually no sarcasm there whatsoever..!) The thing is, I’ve been told by a few “reliable” sources that they’d only phone/text people they fancied at the times I’m receiving these communiques - however I doubt for one moment that this holds true in the case of myself and this girl. I can honestly say, with 100% certainty, that she doesn’t fancy me. And with that statement, I think I can honestly say that I’m over her! Totally, completely, 100% over her. (Yeah, wishful thinking..!)
Anyways, if I keep telling myself that, then it’ll be considerably easier to leave the country with as few loose-ends as possible. (Cos it may end up being true…)
Bah… getting into a little too much detail about the inner-workings of my mind/psyche… I may have to mark this post as private…
Meh!
)